I’ve never been an outgoing person. My closest friends I’ve had since I was a very awkward freshman in high school could attest to this as well. Of course, they were awkward back then too! He he… Lisa, Jenn, Johanna, I love you guys!

I’ve still got some serious shortcomings. I am my harshest critic, to a point that as soon as I’m done shooting a wedding, I think that I have totally failed! I remember moments that I didn’t capture, wasn’t quick enough, or wasn’t in the right place at the right time. Then I absolutely nitpick through all the photos until I have found all the awful ones. I’m always surprised that after I delete them, I still have at least a couple hundred really good ones. I would like to add a disclaimer that I do NOT think that I am a great photographer. Mom would disagree, but I am my HARSHEST critic. I think a great photo is not necessarily ‘technically’ perfect (although I strive for it to be), but is a photo that makes me feel something. At a wedding two weeks ago, the bride was starting to cry as she walked down the isle, and I captured that and it made me cry when I was editing the photos later on! I KNOW what she was feeling at that moment, and it just reaches in and squeezes your heart until you can’t take it any more and the tension comes out as a tear on your cheek. Now, that’s a great picture in my opinion…

I am NERVOUS before EVERY shoot. I get nervous like a 6th grader before their first oral presentation in front of the whole class! I got really nervous before those too. So much so that I would forget to say everything that I had written down and severely truncate everything so I could sit down as soon as I could, like 30 seconds, which of course felt like an hour… As soon as I stood up I would get this horrible knot in my stomach, and start doubting my competence on whatever subject I was talking about, even if I knew everything I could about it! I feel this same way when I show up to a shoot with a new client. This may not inspire the greatest confidence in my abilities, but I’m really just being honest. Sometimes I feel like if I don’t get this off my chest, I will just… EXPLODE!

I wonder if I will ever gain the “calm assertive energy” that I need to succeed in this seemingly harsh world of the wedding photography business. I’ve had this energy two times in my life that I can remember, but it’s been so long. This is exactly the reason that I AM going to make this business work for me! It’s time for me to succeed and I am sick and tired of failing! Wish me luck, because I’m going to need it!

I live on my MAC! I switched to a macbook a couple years ago when they first came out, and I really do live on it! It’s a wonderful idiot-proof computer that is portable and mostly kitty-proof. I usually keep it closed on my desk when I’m not using it, but in the event I forget to close it, I end up with a huge pile of CAT on the keyboard. Lola once protested her removal from her warm plasticy sleeping spot by removing my space bar with her very sharp claws… I took the laptop into the Apple Store and had to explain what the heck I had against my poor space bar! Lola’s a funny girl.

Turtle is a little squeaker… She literally squeaks when I look at her as if to say “hello.” She will also be your best friend if you rub her belly! What can I say? She knows what she likes!
Like I said before, she looked like an owl as a kitten, with eyes way to big for her face. And yes, her eyes really are that color, no color enhancement added!

So, I have 5 cats. They are my babies… It’s true! I very clearly remember the first five years of my life as the LONGEST years because I didn’t have a cat! When I got my little calico kitten at age 5 I was the happiest little girl you could ever imagine! Her name was Sugar, and she lived with me until she was 13 years old. It was very hard for me when she died, much like I lost a sister, not just a cat.

After I moved out of my parents house when I was in college, it only took 1.5 months until I came home with a cat. Her name is Lola. She is such a diva! She is a long-haired black and white cat, and she is beautiful! But, she knows it, and spends most of her time making herself pretty. She was a rescue from the Madera County Animal Shelter, and was 5 months old when we got her. Merely a month after bringing home Lola, we got Steven! Steven was 4 weeks old when a good friend of mine’s aunt found him in the gutter. She told me she couldn’t keep him, and BAM! Another cat! Steven was named after the late Steve Irwin, who is a hero of mine. Irwin’s personality was so vibrant and courageous, and it’s a terrible loss for the entire world that he is gone. My Steve has taken on a lot of Irwin’s traits. He’s BOLD, Courageous, and never ceases to remind me when his food bowl is EMPTY.

Turtle, a tortoiseshell cat, was also a gutter kitten. She was super scrawny, but has the most beautiful golden eyes! When she was small, she looked a little bit like an owl, with her eyes WAY to big for her face!

Miss Kitty was rescued from a careless neighbor who up and moved, and just left her. She is all black, and is a cat’s cat. She does not like to be bothered.

Dottie literally showed up on the front steps meowing! She was all alone and no one in the neighborhood was missing a kitten. Her name is Dot because she has two perfectly symmetrical black dots on her otherwise white bottom. She also has the tail of a beagle. She’s super spunky, and likes to bite fingers… I really need to get her to stop that…

Here are some photos of Dot, Steve, and Miss Kitty! Turtle and Lola to follow later… Everytime I get a new lens the cats are my sometimes unwilling test subjects… hence the plethora of cat pictures…